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Discordianism Decompiled · Book Ten · Chapter 3 of 10

Appendices (Multiple, Contradictory)

In which we organize the chaos, thereby ruining it

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APPENDICES (MULTIPLE, CONTRADICTORY)

In which we organize the chaos, thereby ruining it

APPENDIX A: GLOSSARY OF TERMS (CIRCULAR DEFINITIONS)

Discordionary.chaos Since 1963 YOLD / -1166 Gregorian
MEANINGS GAMES THESAURUS
🔍 Search for meaning (results inconclusive)
WORD OF THE YOLD
fnord — you weren't supposed to see this
Algorithm n.
Modern oracle, see Chaos With Math, see Eris, see Your Phone, see Why You Can't Stop Scrolling, see Algorithm
All Hail Discordia exclamation
Greeting, farewell, battle cry, see Hail Eris, see Every Other Page, see All Hail Discordia
Authenticity n.
Performance of realness, see Influencer, see Personal Brand, see Lies We Tell, see Truth Maybe, see Impossible
Capitalism, Late n.
The world we inhabit, see Help, see Golden Apple For The Rich, see Why Everything Is Terrible, see Also Why Everything Exists
Chaos n.
See Disorder, see Eris, see Everything, see Nothing, see Both, see Neither, see Chaos
Cognitive Dissonance n.
Spiritual practice, see Holding Contradictions, see This Entire Book, see Your Daily Experience, see Meditation
Discord n.
  1. The goddess, see Eris
  2. The app, page never mentioned (ironically)
  3. The concept, see All Of It
  4. The state of being, see Normal
Discordianism n.
Religion about chaos, see Chaos, see "What Is Discordianism?" (not defined), see You're Doing It Wrong, see You're Doing It Right, see Same Thing
Disorder n.
See Chaos, see Eris, see My Desk, see This Glossary
Doomscrolling n.
Meditation practice for the anxious, see Spiritual Practice, see Bad Habit, see Both, see The Feed, see Help
Enlightenment n.
Understanding nothing completely, see Confusion, see You're Doing It Wrong/Right, see Touching Grass, see Logging Off, see Impossible, see Already Here
Eris n.
The goddess of chaos, discord, and your 3 AM thoughts, see Chaos, see Yourself, see The Void, see The Algorithm, see Everywhere, see Nowhere
The Feed n.
Infinite scroll of content, see Doomscroll, see Meditation Practice, see The Void, see Your Addiction, see Sacred Text
Five, Law of n.
Everything relates to five, see 5, see V, see Five Fingers, see Pentabarf, see Confirmation Bias, see Five
Fnord n.
You can't see it. If you can see it, you're enlightened or paranoid, see Fnord, see Same Thing, see Fnord
Golden Apple n.
Symbol of discord, instrument of chaos, see Drama, see High School, see Greek Mythology, see Emoji, see WiFi Symbol On Apple
Grass, Touching n.
Sacred practice of reconnecting with reality, see Book Five, see Outside, see What You Should Be Doing Right Now, see Literally Just Go Outside
Greg n.
Eternal presence, uninvited guest, see Every Meeting, see Who Invited Greg, see Nobody Knows, see Greg Is Forever
Hail Eris exclamation
Greeting, prayer, farewell, recognition of chaos, see All Hail Discordia, see Every Page, see Hail Eris
Hydration n.
Sacred practice, see Drinking Water, see You're Dehydrated Right Now, see Seriously Drink Water, see This Is Not A Metaphor
Inbox Zero n.
False god, impossible dream, see Email, see Suffering, see Why, see Just Mark All As Read
Irony n.
Protective shield, see Sincerity, see Can't Tell The Difference Anymore, see Both, see Help
Late Capitalism n.
See Capitalism, Late, see This, see Now, see Everything
Malaclypse the Younger n.
Everyone, no one, possibly you, see Author, see Yourself, see Pope, see Malaclypse the Younger
Meme n.
Modern hieroglyph, sacred scripture, see Communication, see Culture, see You Wouldn't Get It, see Actually Very Profound
Notification n.
Chaos delivered instantly, see Anxiety, see Modern Life, see Divine Communication, see The Algorithm Speaks, see Turn Them Off (you won't)
Order n.
The opposite of chaos, also necessary for chaos, see Chaos, see Enemy, see Friend, see Paradox
Paradox n.
Home, see Comfort, see Confusion, see Truth, see This Glossary
Pentabarf n.
Five rules, see Rules, see "There Are No Rules", see Five, see Breaking Rules, see Following Rules, see Both
Pope n.
You, see Mirror, see Everyone, see Authority You Reject, see Authority You Are
Posting Through It v.
Sacred practice of sharing chaos despite/because of circumstances, see Every Day, see Probably Should Stop, see Won't Stop
Productivity n.
False god, see Capitalism, see Your Worth Is Not Your Output, see But Also Get Your Shit Done, see Paradox
Sincere adj.
Vulnerable and brave, see Irony, see Can't Tell Anymore, see Both, see This Is The Real One (or is it?)
Social Media n.
Digital town square, chaos portal, see Suffering, see Connection, see Addiction, see Where You Are Right Now
The Void n.
Where Eris lives, where unread emails go, see Inbox, see Looking Into, see It Looks Back, see Home
Wellness Industry n.
Capitalism in yoga pants, see Jade Roller, see Snake Oil, see Self-Care™, see Just Drink Water
EDITORIAL NOTE

Every entry defines itself in terms of other entries.

This is intentional.

This is also how meaning actually works.

If you're frustrated by the circular definitions, you're learning.

If you find this helpful, you're probably confused.

Both states are enlightenment.

Also: Fnord.

🍎 UPGRADE TO DISCORDIONARY GOLD — Unlock hidden definitions, remove ads, achieve enlightenment (terms and contradictions apply) 🍎
Golden Apple
Eris whispers:

All words are circular. Language is a snake eating its own tail. The only honest dictionary entry would be: "See: Everything Else."

APPENDIX B: BIBLIOGRAPHY OF BOOKS THAT DON'T EXIST

Grand library with ornate shelves full of books that have these ridiculous titles on their spines. Some books are translucent, some are on fire, some are just blank spines. A librarian (clearly Eris in disguise) is reshelf-ing a book labeled "You're Reading This Wrong." Light streams through windows showing different dimensions. Style: M.C. Escher meets Library of Congress meets fever dream.

Recommended Reading for the Discordian Scholar

FOUNDATIONAL TEXTS
"Chaos For Dummies" by Eris (Never published, manuscript lost in a hard drive crash, 2019)
"The 7 Habits of Highly Chaotic People" by AI Trained On Self-Help Books (Hallucinated, 2024)
"Eat, Pray, Chaos" by Elizabeth Gilbert's Evil Twin (Refused by publishers, 2015)
"Zen and the Art of Not Giving a Fuck: What Alan Watts Actually Meant" by Alan Watts' Ghost (Channeled, never written, 2023)
CONTEMPORARY CLASSICS
"The Secret (It's Chaos)" by Not Rhonda Byrne (Suppressed by Big Manifestation, 2007)
"How to Win Friends and Influence Chaos" by Eris Carnegie (Too dangerous to publish, 1936/2024)
"The Subtle Art of Not Taking Yourself So Goddamn Seriously" by Mark Manson's Cooler Cousin (Rejected as "too on the nose," 2018)
"12 Rules for Chaos: An Antidote to Order" by Not Jordan Peterson (Written by an AI fed lobster facts, 2023)
PRODUCTIVITY HERESIES
"Atomic Chaos: Tiny Changes, Big Disorder" by James Not-Clear (Burned by productivity gurus, 2020)
"The 4-Hour Work Week (Just Kidding, Rest Forever)" by Tim Ferriss's Lazy Brother (Never finished writing it, 2008)
"Deep Work (Shallow Rest)" by Cal Newport's Nemesis (Too radical for publication, 2016)
"Essentialism (Everything Is Essential)" by Greg McKeown's Maximalist Twin (Rejected for being too long, 2015)
SPIRITUAL MASHUPS
"The Power of Now What?" by Eckhart Who? (Published in a timeline that doesn't exist, 2004)
"You Are a Chaos Creator" by Jen Sinchaos (Accidentally deleted before publication, 2021)
"The Four Agreements (They're All Contradictory)" by Don Miguel Not-Ruiz (Contract disputed, never released, 2001)
"Daring Greatly to Fuck Things Up" by Brené Chaos (Too vulnerable even for her, 2014)
ANTI-SELF-HELP
"The Life-Changing Magic of Not Tidying Up" by Marie Khaos (Spark chaos, not joy, 2016)
"UnFuck Yourself (Stay Fucked, It's Fine)" by Gary John Bishop's Pessimist Brother (Too honest, 2019)
"The Subtle Art of Giving Many Fucks" by Anti-Mark Manson (Caring too much, 2017)
"Radical Self-Acceptance (You're a Mess and That's Okay)" by Tara Brach's Honest Twin (Too real, 2015)
TECHNOLOGY & CHAOS
"The Shallows (Go Deeper, It Gets Worse)" by Nicholas Carr's Pessimist Self (Too depressing even for him, 2011)
"How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy While Being Extremely Online" by Jenny O'Dell's Hypocrite Twin (This one might be real actually, 2020)
"The Age of Surveillance Capitalism (A How-To Guide)" by Shoshana Zuboff's Evil Twin (Suppressed by Big Tech, 2019)
"Weapons of Math Destruction (User Manual)" by Cathy O'Neil's Chaos Agent Self (Too dangerous, 2017)
PHILOSOPHY & PARADOX
"Being and Nothingness and Everything and Kinda Whatever" by Jean-Paul Sartre After Edibles (Notes found, never published, 1943)
"Finite and Infinite Games (Both Rigged)" by James Carse's Cynical Twin (Too real, 1987)
"The Denial of Death (Just Accept It)" by Ernest Becker's Nihilist Self (Too dark, 1973)
"Man's Search for Meaning (Spoiler: You Make It Up)" by Viktor Frankl's Postmodern Twin (Too honest, 1959)
CHAOS THEORY PROPER
"Chaos: Making a Old Science (Worse)" by James Gleick's Evil Twin (Too chaotic even for chaos theory, 1988)
"The Butterfly Effect for Dummies (You Already Fucked It Up)" by Unknown (Never finished, time paradox, 2003)
"Complexity: The Emerging Science (Still Emerging, Forever)" by M. Mitchell Waldrop's Impatient Twin (Gave up, 1993)
MODERN PROPHETS
"Sapiens: A Brief History of How We Fucked It All Up" by Yuval Noah Harari's Pessimist Self (Too depressing, 2014)
"21 Lessons for the 21st Century (None of Them Good)" by Same Guy, Worse Mood (2018)
"The Three-Body Problem (There Is No Solution)" by Liu Cixin's Nihilist Twin (Too dark even for Chinese sci-fi, 2008)
INTERNET CULTURE
"You're Wrong About (Everything, Including This)" by A Podcast Concept Taken Too Far (In production, eternally, 2020)
"Extremely Online: A Very Short Introduction (To Hell)" by Everyone On Twitter (Crowdsourced, too chaotic to publish, 2022)
"The Algorithm Made Me Do It: A Memoir" by Former Human, Now Bot (Rejected by publishers for being "too real," 2023)
ACTUALLY USEFUL (But Don't Exist)
"How to Actually Rest Without Guilt" by Someone Who Figured It Out (If you find this book, please tell us, TBD)
"Breaking Free from Productivity Cult" by Reformed Productivity Guru (In hiding, 2021)
"The Actual Guide to Touching Grass" by Grass Expert (Published on grass, unreadable, 2024)
"Hydration Without Shame" by Water Bottle (Self-published, liquid format, 2024)
ADVANCED READING

Once you've mastered the above (you can't, they don't exist), proceed to:

  • Your group chat history (more chaotic than any text)
  • Old tweets you're too afraid to delete (ancient wisdom)
  • Your Notes app at 3 AM (prophecy)
  • The YouTube rabbit hole you fell into (spiritual journey)
  • Comment sections (for masochists and mystics)
  • Your own brain (most unreliable narrator)
CITATION FORMAT

To cite books that don't exist in your academic work:

Author's Name (Year Book Would Have Been Published If It Existed). Title of Nonexistent Book. Publisher That Rejected It. Dimension In Which It Exists (if known).

Example: Eris, Goddess of Chaos (2019). Chaos For Dummies. No Publisher Would Touch This. The Void.

LIBRARIAN'S NOTE

This bibliography is incomplete.

It will always be incomplete.

Many of these books are more real than books that actually exist.

Some of these books exist in parallel timelines.

One of them exists but you can't read it yet.

Several of them you've already read without knowing.

All of them are in your local library (they're not).

None of them will help you (that's what makes them perfect).

If you find any of these books, please don't tell us. We don't want to know if we were wrong about them not existing.

APPENDIX C: APPENDIX A BUT BACKWARDS

chaos_terminal v2.3

ssohC

redrosiD

sirE

...

ERROR: REVERSE_GLOSSARY_OVERFLOW

$ You get the idea.

$ We're not actually doing this.

$ That would be too orderly for a chaos text.

$ The fact that you expected us to actually reverse the entire glossary reveals your secret craving for structure.

$ This craving is normal.

$ This craving is also the enemy.

$ Hold both truths.

_ |

APPENDIX D: THE REAL APPENDIX C

404
APPENDIX NOT FOUND

There is no real Appendix C.

The search for "realness" is the problem.

This is Appendix D pretending to be C.

C is pretending to be A.

A never existed.

We're all fake appendices.

You're a fake appendix.

Think about it.

Go Back Search for Appendix Accept the Void

APPENDIX E: FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE APPENDICES

Why are the appendices contradictory?

Why aren't you contradictory?

Which appendix should I read first?

Yes.

Are there hidden appendices?

You're looking at one.

Why is there no Appendix F?

There is, you're reading it now.

Is this Appendix F?

No, this is still Appendix E answering questions about Appendix F.

I'm confused.

Good, you're learning.

APPENDIX ∞: JUST A SYMBOL

The symbol ☯︎ rendered in impossible geometry, folding through dimensions that shouldn't exist, containing galaxies within its structure, Eris's face visible if you squint, mathematical and mystical, serious and absurd. Style: Sacred geometry meets glitch art meets "I took too much" art.
☯︎

That's it.

That's the appendix.

What did you expect?

(Seriously, what did you expect? Email us. We're curious.)

(Don't actually email us.)

(We don't have an email.)

(The email is also ☯︎.)

THE INDEX (PURPOSEFULLY UNHELPFUL)

"If you're using the index, you've missed the point"

A
Algorithms, see everywhere, also see your phone right now
Anxiety, see every page, also see mirror
Authenticity, see performed authenticity, page ???
Authority, questioning of, see this entire book
B
Believing things, not recommended, page FALSE
Books that don't exist, Appendix B
Both/And thinking, see all of it
Buddhism, compatible?, page YES AND NO
C
Capitalism, late, see right now, also see help
Chaos, pages 1-∞, also see everything
Contradiction, this entry, pages exist and don't exist
D
Definitions, circular, Appendix A
Discord (app), page never mentioned (ironically)
Discord (concept), all of it
Discord (goddess), see Eris
Discordianism, what is?, page [REDACTED]
E
Elyse Eris, passim (that's Latin for "everywhere, duh")
Email, suffering from, see Inbox Zero (false god)
Endings, see there are none
Enlightenment, you missed it, page 42 (there is no page 42)
F
FAQ, page you should have read first
Five, Law of, see everything relates to five somehow
Five, the number, pages V, 5, and everywhere if you look
Fnord, page Fnord (you can't see it)
G
Glossary, circular definitions, Appendix A
Golden Apple, see wifi symbol
Grass, touching of, see Book Five, also see what you should do right now
Greg, pages he shouldn't be on, also page everywhere somehow
H
Hail Eris, see greeting, see prayer, see every other page
Help, page ERROR 404: HELP NOT FOUND
Hydration, importance of, pages SERIOUSLY DRINK WATER
I
Index, this is it, you're looking at it
Internet, the, see chaos portal, see home
Irony, all of it, page the whole thing, but also page sincere parts
J
Jokes, how to tell from serious parts, see you can't
K
Koans, see questions without answers, see Comment Section Meditation
L
Late Capitalism, see we're in it, page NOW
Law of Fives, see everything, literally everything
Logging Off, recommended frequency, page should be more
M
Malaclypse the Younger, author, see you
Meaning, see meaninglessness
Meaninglessness, see meaning (they're the same)
Memes, as scripture, Book Three
N
Nothing, pages all of them and none of them
Notifications, see anxiety, see divine communication, see turn them off
O
Order, see chaos (they're related)
P
Paradox, see home
Pentabarf, New, Book Two
Pope, you are one, see mirror
Posting, see oversharing, see spiritual practice
Productivity, see enemy, also see necessary evil, also see paradox
Q
Questions, answers to, see more questions
R
Reality, nature of, see consensus hallucination
S
Satire, how to tell from sincerity, see you can't, see both
Scrolling, infinite, see meditation or addiction (same thing)
Sincerity, see irony, also see genuine parts, good luck telling which
T
Taking it seriously, don't, page every page
Terms of Service, see the thing you agreed to without reading
Touching grass, see what you should be doing instead of using this index
U
Understanding, see confusion (they're the same)
V
Void, the, see everywhere and nowhere
W
Wellness Industry, see capitalism in yoga pants
X
X (formerly Twitter), see hellsite, see where you are right now probably
Y
You, see mirror, see pope, see problem and solution
Z
Zeus, WiFi password, see Appendix Leaked Emails (doesn't exist)
Zen, see this but older
INSTRUCTIONS FOR USE
  1. Don't.
  2. If you must, pick a random entry
  3. Follow the references in a circle
  4. Return to where you started
  5. You've learned nothing
  6. You've learned everything
  7. Same thing
PUBLISHER'S NOTE ON PAGE NUMBERS

You may notice that page numbers are:

Inconsistent, Impossible, Nonexistent, Contradictory, All of the above

This is because:

We forgot to add them, They're meaningless anyway, Digital text doesn't have pages, Your experience is non-linear, Order is an illusion, We're making a point, All of the above

💡 ALTERNATIVE INDEX

Instead of using this index, try:

  • Reading the book in random order
  • Closing your eyes and pointing
  • Asking Eris for guidance (she won't answer)
  • Making up your own index
  • Not using an index at all
  • Accepting that finding things is optional
META-INDEX

For references to the index itself:

Index, about itself, this entry

Index, circular nature of, this entry again

Index, futility of, right here

Index, you're still reading?, seriously?

ERRATA SLIP — PLEASE INSERT IN YOUR COPY

All entries are wrong.

All entries are right.

Both statements are true.

We're not fixing any of it.

🌟
Eris pauses:

You've made it to the end of the appendices. Most people give up before the index. You didn't. That's either dedication or madness. In Discordianism, those are the same thing.

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