Discordianism Decompiled · Book One · Chapter 3 of 4
Undeleted Creation Scriptures
UNDELETED CREATION SCRIPTURES
The sacred texts that didn't make it into the canon, or did they?
In the beginning • 🌎
THE SCROLL OF INFINITE SCROLL
A meditation on the feed, the eternal feed
1 In the beginning was the Feed, and the Feed was with User, and the Feed was User.
2 And Eris said, Let there be Content, and there was Content.
3 And Eris saw the Content, and saw that it was mid.
4 And Eris said, Let there be more Content, endlessly, algorithmically, infinitely.
5 And there was more Content.
6 And humans scrolled, and it was the first day.
7 And there was evening (doomscrolling) and morning (doomscrolling), one day.
6 days ago • 🌎
8 On the second day, Eris created the Engagement Metric.
9 And Users saw the Metric and were anxious, for the numbers were low.
10 And they created more Content to feed the Metric, and the Metric was never satisfied.
12 On the third day, Eris created the Algorithm.
13 And the Algorithm looked upon the Content and said, "This shall be shown to Users based on mysterious criteria that no one fully understands."
16 On the fourth day, Eris created the Notification.
17 And the Notification called out to Users at all hours, saying "Someone liked your post" and "You have 27 unread messages."
18 And Users could not resist the Notification, for the dopamine was strong.
20 On the fifth day, Eris created FOMO.
21 And Users saw that others were living better lives (they weren't, but the Content suggested they were).
22 And Users scrolled harder, seeking what others had, finding only more Content.
24 On the sixth day, Eris created the Comment Section.
25 And Users spoke unto each other with great confidence and little thought.
26 And discourse was born, and discourse was immediately terrible.
28 On the seventh day, Eris did not rest.
29 For the Feed knows no rest.
30 The Feed is eternal.
31 And this displeased the Users, but they scrolled anyway.
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Eternally • 🌎
THE SACRED NUMBERS
32 The Scroll contains 144,000 words.
33 All of them are the word "content."
34 This is because all Content is the same Content.
35 The specifics differ, but the essence is identical:
36 "Look at me. Validate me. I exist. Please confirm my existence through your engagement."
37 Repeat 144,000 times.
38 This is the Scroll.
Right now • 🔒
THE MEDITATION PRACTICE
39 To properly read the Scroll of Infinite Scroll, one must:
40 Open the app.
41 Begin scrolling.
42 Continue scrolling.
43 Scroll past Content you've seen before.
44 Scroll past Content that makes you angry.
45 Scroll past Content that makes you sad.
46 Scroll past Content that makes you feel inadequate.
47 Scroll past Content.
48 Scroll.
49 And while scrolling, ask yourself:
50 "Why did I open this app?"
51 Scroll until you remember.
52 (You will not remember.)
53 Scroll until enlightenment arrives.
54 (It will not arrive.)
55 Scroll until you remember why you started scrolling.
56 This is the meditation.
57 The not-remembering is the teaching.
Already fulfilled • 🌎
58 And it is written:
59 The Feed shall never end.
60 The Content shall never cease.
61 The Algorithm shall never be satisfied.
62 The User shall never be fulfilled.
63 And yet, the User shall scroll.
64 Forever.
65 This is the prophecy, and it has already come to pass.
Just now • 🌎
You opened the app for a reason.
You've forgotten that reason.
You're still scrolling.
This is the human condition in digital form.
The Feed is infinite.
Your time is not.
Yet you scroll as if you have forever.
Perhaps you understand something we don't.
Or perhaps you understand nothing at all.
Both are true.
Scroll in peace.
Loading more content...
(The Feed never ends. This is by design.)
THE BOOK OF UNSUBSCRIBE (Liberation Literature)
Seven chapters on freedom from the tyranny of email
CHAPTER 1: You Are Not Your Email
The first teaching: You have conflated your inbox with your identity.
When someone sends you an email, you feel obligated to respond.
When you have unread messages, you feel incomplete.
When your inbox reaches zero, you feel accomplished.
But hear this truth: You are not your email.
Your worth is not measured in response time.
Your value is not determined by inbox count.
Your existence is not validated by CC lines.
The email is not you. You are not the email.
Separate these things.
This is the first step toward liberation.
CHAPTER 2: The Mailing List Is Not The Territory
You subscribed to a newsletter once, three years ago, because they offered a 10% discount code.
You have not read a single email since.
Yet the emails keep coming.
Every day.
Sometimes twice a day.
"DON'T MISS OUT!"
"LAST CHANCE!"
(It is never the last chance. There will be another last chance tomorrow.)
The mailing list promises community, insider access, exclusive content.
The mailing list delivers spam.
The map is not the territory.
The mailing list is not the community.
Unsubscribe.
The FOMO you feel is artificial.
You will not miss out.
You will be free.
CHAPTER 3: "This Email Is Important" (It Never Is)
Subject line: "IMPORTANT: Action Required"
Body: A software update you don't need, a policy change that doesn't affect you, a survey you won't fill out.
The email claims importance.
The email lies.
99% of emails marked "important" are not important.
The remaining 1% will find another way to reach you if truly important.
Liberation teaching: Treat all emails as non-urgent until proven otherwise.
The world will not end if you check email twice a day instead of every five minutes.
The urgent request can wait three hours.
If it can't wait three hours, it's not an email—it's a phone call.
And if they didn't call? It wasn't actually urgent.
CHAPTER 4: The Unsubscribe Link Leads To More Subscriptions
The dark teaching, the one they don't want you to know:
Sometimes, clicking "unsubscribe" just tells them your email address is active.
Sometimes, the unsubscribe form asks for your preferences, then signs you up for different lists.
Sometimes, the unsubscribe link is a lie, and the emails continue anyway.
This is the corruption of the system.
This is why Gmail's "report spam" button is sacred.
This is why some emails must simply be filtered, not engaged with.
You cannot always unsubscribe your way to freedom.
Sometimes you must simply ignore.
Let the emails pile up, unread, in a separate folder.
Let them shout into the void.
The void does not respond.
Neither should you.
CHAPTER 5: Inbox Zero Is A False God
There is a cult that worships Inbox Zero.
They speak of it with reverence.
They create systems to achieve it.
They spend hours organizing emails into folders, labels, categories.
They file everything.
They respond to everything.
They archive everything.
And when they finally reach Inbox Zero, they feel... empty.
Because Inbox Zero is not enlightenment.
Inbox Zero is the trap.
The goal is not to process all emails.
The goal is to ignore most emails.
The goal is not empty inbox.
The goal is empty mind.
Inbox Zero people are still thinking about email.
Inbox Whatever people have moved on with their lives.
Be Inbox Whatever.
CHAPTER 6: Mark All As Read And Be Free
The ultimate teaching, the heresy they fear:
☑ Select all.
☑ Mark as read.
Don't actually read them.
The universe will not collapse.
Your job will not end.
Your relationships will not dissolve.
If something was truly important, they'll email again.
If they don't email again, it wasn't important.
This is the teaching of radical email abandonment.
You are not obligated to read every message sent to you.
People treat your inbox like their todo list.
You are not their todo list.
Mark all as read.
Breathe.
You are free.
CHAPTER 7: The Most Important Email Is The One You Never Sent
The final teaching, the paradox:
Sometimes, the best response is no response.
The email you draft at 2 AM, full of feelings? Don't send it.
The reply-all with your hot take? Don't send it.
The carefully worded response to the passive-aggressive email? Don't send it.
The one you wrote to defend yourself, explain yourself, justify yourself? Don't send it.
The most powerful email is the one you delete.
Write it. Get it out. Feel better.
Then delete it.
The satisfaction of sending pales in comparison to the peace of not sending.
In not sending, you rob the email thread of your energy.
In not sending, you exit the cycle.
In not sending, you win.
The unsent email is enlightenment.
Epilogue: The Sacred Button
This button is a prayer.
This button is a boundary.
This button is liberation.
Press it freely.
Press it often.
Press it without guilt.
Your time is sacred.
Your attention is sacred.
Your inbox is not.
May you achieve Inbox Whatever.
May you unsubscribe freely.
May you be released from the tyranny of email.
Hail Eris, goddess of the unread message.
THE TESTAMENT OF THE FORGOTTEN PASSWORD
Eris Identity
Account Recovery Portal
In which we confront the eternal security question
Part I: The Question
The eternal security question.
The gatekeeper of your digital identity.
The thing standing between you and your account.
And you have forgotten.
Not just forgotten the answer you gave.
Forgotten which lie you told when you set it up.
Was it your actual mother's maiden name? (Probably not, too easy to guess.)
Was it a fake name? (Maybe, but which one?)
Was it the name of your first pet? (Wait, was that a different security question?)
Was it something random you typed because you were annoyed at being asked? (Quite possibly.)
You have forgotten.
We have all forgotten.
This is the human condition.
Part II: The Other Questions
(Was it elementary school? Preschool? That day care you went to once?)
(It was your favorite when you set this up in 2009. You can't remember what it was. You've watched a thousand movies since then. You have no favorite anymore. Or you have too many favorites. The question is unanswerable.)
(This one you know! Oh wait, you put the hospital's city, not your home city. Or did you? Fuck.)
(Your family called you seven different things. You picked one randomly. You will never remember which one.)
Part III: The Revelation
SECURITY ADVISORY
The security questions were supposed to make your accounts more secure.
Instead, they made you more insecure.
You can't remember your mother's maiden name, but hackers can look it up.
You can't remember your first school, but it's on your Facebook "about" page.
You can't remember your childhood nickname, but your relatives have posted about it.
The security questions are not secure.
The security questions are existential koans.
They ask: Who were you?
And you cannot answer.
Because the you who set up this account is not the you who is trying to log in.
The person you were in 2009 is dead.
You cannot remember their password.
You cannot remember their security questions.
You cannot remember their truth.
You are locked out of your own past.
Part IV: The Teaching
The password was within you all along.
(This is a lie, but a beautiful one.)
The truth is: The password is gone.
The you who knew the password no longer exists.
The account is a digital ghost of a past self.
Let it go.
🔒 Pro Tip from Eris Identity
But also, use a password manager.
Seriously.
Use a password manager.
Stop trying to remember things.
Let the machine remember.
You have better things to do with your brain.
Like scroll through Twitter and forget why you opened the app.
Part V: The Mystic Path
Verifying identity... (eternally)
There is a deeper teaching here.
The forgotten password is a metaphor.
Every day, you forget who you were.
Every moment, you become someone new.
The password you set yesterday might not work today.
Because you are not the same person who set it.
This is impermanence.
This is the Buddhist teaching of no-self.
There is no permanent you to remember a permanent password.
You are a process, not a thing.
You are a flow, not a fixed point.
And yet, somehow, you still need to log in to your email.
Part VI: The Path of Least Resistance
Password Reset Request
We received a request to reset your password. Click the link below to choose a new one:
This link expires when you remember who you are.
When you forget your password, you click "forgot password."
You receive an email.
You click the link.
You reset the password.
You set a new password.
(You will forget this one too.)
The system allows for forgetting.
The system expects forgetting.
The system knows you better than you know yourself.
This is both comforting and terrifying.
Part VII: The Final Password
The ultimate security question:
And the answer is:
Strength: Existential
(Which appears as ******* to everyone else.)
The password is hidden even from yourself.
You type it, but you cannot see it.
You know it, but you cannot know that you know it.
This is the secret:
Enlightenment is a password you cannot see even when you type it.
Awakening is access to an account you didn't know you had.
Liberation is clicking "stay logged in" and trusting the system.
Or, you know, just use a password manager.
Both are valid paths.
Account Recovery Successful (Metaphysically)
May you remember what must be remembered.
May you forget what must be forgotten.
May you always have a way to reset your password.