Error Messages for When You're Taking It Too Seriously

Discordianism has a built-in immune system against taking itself too seriously. But sometimes the immune system fails. Sometimes people get really, really serious about chaos. Here's how to know if you've crossed that line.

⚠ WARNING ⚠

SCHISM DETECTED

You're arguing with other Discordians about what counts. You've identified factions: “real” Discordians versus “fake” ones. You're gatekeeping chaos.

Diagnosis: You've forgotten that Discordianism is inherently schismatic. There is no true Discordianism. There are infinite Discordianisms, all equally valid, all contradicting each other.

Treatment: Laugh at yourself. Immediately. You've become the thing you were mocking.

🚫

You Are Gatekeeping Chaos

You have used the following phrases:

• “That's not real Discordianism.”

• “You're doing it wrong.”

• “If you were a real Discordian, you'd...”

Diagnosis: You've created a hierarchy in a non-hierarchical religion. You've established orthodoxy in a religion of heterodoxy. You've become the Pope who actually thinks being Pope means something.

Treatment: Remember that everyone is Pope. Including the people you think are doing it wrong. Especially them.

Keep Gatekeeping

Remember Everyone Is Pope

🛡️ Erisian Defender PRO

● 1 threat found

✖

Threat Detected & Quarantined

Your 50-page treatise on Proper Discordian Practice has been flagged.

Scan Results

File: treatise_on_proper_chaos.docx (50 pages)
Threat: Trojan:Dogma/StructuredAntiStructure.A
Severity: ●●●●○ High
Status: Quarantined

The irony is not lost on us that this book exists. But there's a difference between “here are some ideas” and “here is the one true way to chaos correctly.” If you've written something that reads like dogma, even dogma about how there should be no dogma, you've missed the point.

Diagnosis: You've intellectualized chaos to the point where it's no longer chaotic. You've created structure around anti-structure. You've made rules about having no rules.

Treatment: Write a 50-page treatise on why your first treatise was wrong. Then burn both. Or publish both. Or neither. You decide.

Delete Treatise

Restore (Not Recommended)

Burn Both Copies

🚨 EMERGENCY ALERT SYSTEM 🚨
/// THIS IS NOT A TEST /// THIS IS NOT A TEST ///
BULLETIN: DISCORDIAN PRACTITIONER ANGER DETECTED IN YOUR AREA
People are doing Discordianism in ways you don't like. Ways you think are wrong. Ways that offend your sense of proper chaos. And you're mad about it.
DIAGNOSIS: You've developed attachment to your interpretation. You've mistaken your relationship with Eris for the only valid relationship with Eris. You've become dogmatic about anti-dogmatism.
TREATMENT: Accept that other people's chaos is valid even when it looks nothing like yours. Especially when it looks nothing like yours.
ISSUED BY: ERIS NATIONAL WEATHER SERVICE · EFFECTIVE UNTIL: FURTHER ENLIGHTENMENT

SURGEON GENERAL'S WARNING:

Forgetting to laugh has been found to cause the following conditions in Discordian practitioners: increased dogmatism, schism formation, rigid orthodoxy, loss of playfulness, and general misery.

Laughing is essential to a healthy Discordian practice.

When's the last time you laughed about Discordianism? When's the last time you laughed about yourself being Discordian? When's the last time you found the humor in the whole absurd situation?

If you can't remember, you're taking it too seriously.

Diagnosis: The golden apple has become a golden calf. You're worshipping instead of playing. You've forgotten that this started as a joke that became serious that remained a joke.

Treatment: Find something funny about your practice. Anything. Laugh at it. If you can't laugh at it, you've lost the thread.

HUMORLESSNESS CAUSES DOGMA · DOGMA CAUSES SCHISMS · SCHISMS CAUSE EXACTLY THE KIND OF RIGID ORTHODOXY YOU WERE TRYING TO ESCAPE

RPM x1000

SERIOUSNESS GAUGE

CHAOS TEMP

0-2-4-6-8

L---M---H

C----H

⚙️

CHECK ENGINE

CHAOS OPTIMIZATION DETECTED

YOU ATTEMPTED TO OPTIMIZE YOUR CHAOS

// RED TEXT: SERIOUSNESS LEVEL CRITICAL //

SERIOUSNESS: TOO DAMN HIGH

● FAULT CODES DETECTED:
P0001: Chaos schedule initialized
P0002: Disruption gamification active
P0003: Subversion metrics tracking enabled
P0004: Anti-system system operational
DIAGNOSIS: You've missed the entire point so thoroughly that we're actually impressed. You've optimized the unoptimizable. You've structured the unstructurable. You've made chaos into a productivity tool.
TREATMENT: Stop. Close your chaos planner. Delete your disruption tracker. Just... be chaotic. Spontaneously. Without measuring it.

● ABS ● TPMS ● DOGMA ● IRONY ● FNORD

⚕ Erisian Pharmacy

23 Hodge-Podge Lane, Limbo · YOLD 3192 · NPI: 5555555

Rx# 00023

Refills: ∞

℞ THE GENERAL TREATMENT

Date filled: Now

Patient: You (you know who you are) · DOB: The day you took yourself too seriously

If you recognize yourself in any of these warnings:

Take a break from Discordianism
Go outside
Touch grass (we're serious)
Do something that has nothing to do with chaos or philosophy or religion
Come back when you can laugh again
Remember: it's supposed to be fun

If it's not fun, you're doing it wrong.

Or you're doing it right in a way that's currently not-fun, which happens.

Or there is no right or wrong and we're all just making it up as we go.

All of these are true.

⚠ MAY CAUSE SPONTANEITY

💧 TAKE WITH WATER & HUMOR

❤ DO NOT OPERATE DOGMA

🌿 TOUCH GRASS AS NEEDED