Frequently Asked Questions (Infrequently Answered)

The questions everyone asks, answered poorly

Is Discordianism real?

A: Is anything real? Is this question real? Are you real? Define "real." Actually, don't.

Also: Yes. Also: No. Also: Both. Also: Neither.

Also: The question assumes a binary that doesn't exist.

Also: Of course it's real, you're reading about it right now.

Also: Of course it's not real, it's a joke that got out of hand in the 1960s.

Also: It's as real as you make it.

Also: It's as real as any religion, which is to say, very real and completely made up simultaneously.

Final answer: Yes, no, both, neither, and the question itself is the answer.

How do I join?

A: You already have by reading this.

Also: There's nothing to join. Also: You can't join. Also: You've always been a member. Also: Membership is automatic and involuntary. Also: There is no membership. Also: Welcome, you're in.

If you want to "join," you just did. If you want a formal process, make one up. If you want a membership card, create one. If you want initiation rites, initiate yourself. Everything is valid because nothing is official.

What do Discordians believe?

A: [ERROR 404: BELIEF NOT FOUND]

Also: Everything, ironically. Also: Nothing, sincerely. Also: The question itself is the belief. Also: We believe in not believing in a very committed way.

Discordians generally share some common ideas:

Chaos is divine
Order and disorder are both necessary
Authority should be questioned (including ours)
Humor is sacred
Contradiction is enlightenment
Nothing is true, everything is permitted (but be responsible about it)
The goddess Eris exists (maybe) (definitely) (as metaphor) (as reality) (yes)

But these aren't requirements. You can be Discordian and believe completely different things. That's kind of the point.

Is this a joke?

A: Yes. Also: No. Also: The joke is that you're asking. Also: The joke is on all of us. Also: Deadly serious. Also: All of the above.

Discordianism is serious about not being serious, and not serious about being serious. It's a joke that's also a religion that's also a philosophy that's also a joke. The joke and the seriousness are not separate. They're the same thing looked at from different angles. So yes, it's a joke. And no, it's not "just" a joke. Both are true.

Who is Eris?

A: A Greek goddess of chaos and discord. Also: A metaphor for the chaotic aspects of existence. Also: A way to understand disorder as divine rather than demonic. Also: Real (in the way that matters). Also: Your girlfriend (you wouldn't know her, she goes to a different pantheon). Also: A literary device. Also: An actual deity who exists independently of human belief. Also: A personification of natural chaos. Also: All of these simultaneously because contradictions are her nature.

Eris is whatever you need her to be. For some people, she's a literal goddess. For others, a useful metaphor. For others, a way to think about chaos. All approaches are valid. She doesn't mind.

Can I be Discordian and also [other religion]?

A: Yes. Also: Absolutely. Also: Discordianism is not your main religion, it's your side piece. Also: Everything is compatible with chaos. Also: Chaos complements every tradition.

Discordianism plays well with others. You can be a Christian Discordian, Buddhist Discordian, Atheist Discordian, Muslim Discordian, Jewish Discordian, Pagan Discordian, or anything-else Discordian. Discordianism doesn't demand exclusivity. It's not jealous. It just asks that you question authority and embrace paradox, which you can do within any framework.

Do I have to eat hot dogs on Fridays?

A: No. Also: But if you want to, sure. Also: The hot dog thing was specific to 1960s counterculture. Also: We've updated it: eat whatever feels transgressive to your personal belief system. Also: For some that's still hot dogs. Also: For others it's like, kale.

The original Principia said not to eat hot dog buns on Fridays (or eat hot dogs without buns, accounts vary). This was a joke about religious dietary restrictions. The modern interpretation: do something on Friday that subverts your own rigidities. If you're health-obsessed, eat junk food. If you're a junk food devotee, eat a vegetable. The point is to break your own rules, not to follow someone else's.

Is there a Discordian pope?

A: Everyone is pope.

Also: You are pope.

Also: I am pope.

Also: Your dog is pope.

Also: This book is pope.

Also: Congratulations on your papacy.

Also: This is not special, which makes it special.

In Discordianism, every person is a Pope (or Mome if you prefer). This is not honorary. You are actually Pope. You have all the authority of the Pope, which is none, which is infinite. You can make papal declarations. You can excommunicate people (it doesn't do anything, but you can). You can canonize saints. You can create new doctrines. Your papal authority is absolute and meaningless, which is perfect.

What should I do with my pope card?

The official Discordian Pope Card - a document declaring the bearer to be a genuine and authorized Pope of Discordia, complete with sacred symbols and the reminder that every man, woman, and child on this Earth is already a Pope

A: Carry it.

Also: Frame it.

Also: Laminate it.

Also: Use it to get into places (it won't work).

Also: Flash it at authority figures (they'll be confused).

Also: Nothing, it's just a card.

Also: Make more and distribute them.

Also: Burn it ceremonially.

Also: All of the above.

The Pope card is a gag, but it's also genuine. Carry it if it makes you happy. Show it to people if you want to explain Discordianism (or confuse them). Or ignore it entirely. There's no wrong answer.

I'm confused.

A: Good. Also: You're doing it right. Also: Confusion is the first step. Also: Also the last step. Also: There are no steps. Also: Confusion is the destination, not a waypoint. Also: Welcome to enlightenment, it looks like confusion from the inside.

If you're confused, you're actually getting it. Discordianism is designed to confuse. Not to be mean, but because confusion breaks rigid thinking. Confusion creates space for new ideas. Sit with the confusion. Don't rush to resolve it. The confusion is the teaching.

But seriously, what now?

A: Live your life. Also: Question authority (including ours). Also: Embrace chaos (in healthy doses). Also: Touch grass (literally). Also: Be kind (revolutionary). Also: Nothing matters, everything matters, same thing. Also: Go forth and discord.

You don't need to do anything special. You don't need to change your life. You don't need to start causing chaos everywhere. Just notice chaos when it happens. Question things that seem rigid. Be open to disorder. Find humor in absurdity. Be kind to people. That's it. That's the whole practice. Everything else is elaboration.