Discordianism Decompiled · Book Six · Chapter 6 of 8
Intercepted Communications
INTERCEPTED COMMUNICATIONS
Leaked Emails from the Digital Pantheon
EMAIL THREAD: RE: RE: RE: RE: WIFI PASSWORD
For the LAST TIME, the WiFi password is not "thunderbolt123"
That was 2000 years ago. I changed it. The new password is "ZEUS_2024_ThunderDaddy!!"
Also, whoever keeps torrenting philosophy texts, you're slowing down the whole mountain.
Hermes, we know it's you.
And whoever changed the network name to "404 God Not Found" - not funny. Fix it.
-Z
P.S. Eris, please stop logging into my account and changing my signature to "Thunder Daddy." It's unprofessional.
Thank you for your email.
I am currently out of the office (I am everywhere).
I will respond to your message when I feel like it (never).
For urgent matters, please contact:
- The void (the.void@null.void)
- Yourself (you already know the answer)
- Anyone else (they won't help either)
If you're receiving this, congratulations, you've been personally inconvenienced by a goddess.
Eris
(She/Her/Chaos)
P.S. The WiFi password is now "nice_try_zeus420"
P.P.S. I also changed your email signature to "Thunder Daddy" in the system settings. Good luck finding it.
P.P.P.S. The network name stays. It's accurate.
- It's not me torrenting
- It's definitely Dionysus
- But also maybe me
- The philosophy texts are for research
- Zeus, your password is terrible security
- Adding your birth year doesn't help
- You were born before years existed
- This is confusing
Also, proposing we switch to Chaos Cloudâ„¢ for our file storage. Eris recommended it.
Thoughts?
-H
Hermes,
Eris "recommended" it? Did you actually ask her or did you assume?
Also, I looked into Chaos Cloudâ„¢:
- 99% uptime (the 1% is when they feel like it)
- Files randomly reorganize themselves
- Encryption: "probably"
- Customer support: "lol"
This is obviously a trap.
Let's do it.
"Wisdom is knowing when to embrace chaos" - Me, just now
bro i dont even remember the password
im just always connected somehow
is this enlightenment or did someone save it in my phone
also the philosophy torrents are EDUCATIONAL
plato needs to be FREE
Sent from my iFhone
Hey everyone,
Just wanted to mention the Olympus WiFi signal reaches the Underworld now.
Don't know if that's intentional.
The dead are very excited about internet access.
They're mostly using it for social media.
Everyone's posting from beyond the grave.
It's chaos down here.
Eris seems pleased about it.
Is she getting royalties from Chaos Cloudâ„¢ or something?
-Hades
P.S. The password "nice_try_zeus420" works down here too. Security is non-existent.
EMAIL: HERMES'S NFT PITCH
Yo gods,
Wanted to pitch this sick NFT project to everyone. Hear me out.
What if we minted the concept of chaos?
Like, literally sold fractional ownership of disorder itself. Think about it:
💎 Chaos as a Service (CaaS)
💎 Disorder delivered directly to your worshippers
💎 Blockchain-based belief system
💎 Smart contracts for prayer (you pray, we sometimes answer)
💎 Tokenomics designed by Eris (she's on board*)
*(I haven't actually asked her yet, but she would totally be into this)
THE VISION:
Each CHAOSCOIN represents 0.000001% ownership of cosmic discord. Holders get:
- Access to exclusive chaos drops
- Voting rights on which prayers to ignore
- Golden apple NFT (procedurally generated)
- Eris might notice you (no guarantee)
ROADMAP:
Q1: Launch CHAOSCOIN
Q2: Create chaos
Q3: ???
Q4: Profit (maybe)
WHITEPAPER: I'll write it later. Trust me bro.
TEAM:
- Hermes: Founder, CEO, God of Speed-to-Market
- Eris: Creative Director (hasn't agreed yet)
- The Void: Technical Lead (silent partner)
- Greg: Community Manager (uninvited but he's here)
FIRST MEETING: Tuesday at Mount Olympus. Bring your hardware wallets.
Who's in?
-H
No.
-E
But I already designed the logo
Show me.
That's terrible.
Do it anyway.
I want to watch it fail spectacularly.
-E
ERIS IS IN!!!
We're doing this!
Presale starts tomorrow!
To the moon! 🌙
-H
Hermes, she literally said she wants to watch it fail.
-Athena
That's basically approval in Eris terms.
[THREE MONTHS LATER]
So CHAOSCOIN crashed spectacularly.
The blockchain was too orderly. Eris corrupted it on day 2.
All the tokens turned into actual golden apples (digital).
They can't be traded or sold.
They just sit in wallets, mocking their owners.
Eris laughed for three days straight.
Lessons learned:
- Don't tokenize chaos
- Eris always wins
- Greg somehow made money (still don't know how)
Sent from my iFhone (couldn't afford the upgrade)
Told you.
Best three days ever.
-E
ADDITIONAL LEAKED DOCUMENTS
INTERNAL MEMO: THE GREG SITUATION
