Discordianism Decompiled · Book Five · Chapter 2 of 6
The Beatitudes of the Blessed Scroll
THE BEATITUDES OF THE BLESSED SCROLL
Blessings for the algorithm age 🧵
To be recited while scrolling, or instead of scrolling, or while trying not to scroll
Blessed are the notification-weary,
For they shall achieve Do Not Disturb.
Blessed are those who have touched grass,
For they have remembered the texture of reality.
Blessed are those who log off,
For they shall inherit the evening.
Blessed are those who unsubscribe,
For their inbox shall be slightly less full.
Blessed are those who close tabs,
For RAM is finite and chaos is eternal.
Blessed are those who delete drafts unsent,
For they have chosen peace over discourse.
Blessed are those who turn off read receipts,
For they shall browse in mystery.
Blessed are those who resist doomscrolling,
For they shall sleep before 2 AM (maybe).
Blessed are those who block freely,
For boundaries are sacred.
Blessed are those who mute group chats,
For theirs is the kingdom of selective attention.
Blessed are those who say "I don't know,"
For they have escaped the curse of the hot take.
Blessed are those who admit they were wrong,
For character growth is rare online.
Blessed are those who read the article before commenting,
For they are unicorns, mythical and pure.
Blessed are those who log out of work apps after hours,
For the boundary between work and life is holy.
Blessed are those who sit in silence without reaching for their phone,
For they have rediscovered boredom, which is enlightenment.
Blessed are those who close their laptop and go outside,
For they shall see the sun (weather permitting).
Blessed are those who have broken the doom cycle,
For they know that the discourse will continue without them.
Blessed are those who practice digital sabbath,
For they have remembered that rest is resistance.
Blessed are those who delete social media apps,
For they are braver than the troops.
Blessed are those who reinstall social media apps,
For they are honest about their addictions.
Blessed are those who exist in the tension,
For they know that perfection is not the point.
THE EXTENDED BEATITUDES (For Advanced Practitioners)
Blessed are those who post and do not check for likes,
For they have achieved true detachment (for approximately 4 minutes).
Blessed are those who have opinions but keep them to themselves,
For silence is golden and posts are forever.
Blessed are those who see a bad take and scroll past,
For not every battle needs fighting.
Blessed are those who curate their feeds mindfully,
For you become what you consume.
Blessed are those who support creators directly,
For algorithmic crumbs are not sufficient sustenance.
Blessed are those who fact-check before sharing,
For misinformation is a plague and you need not be a carrier.
Blessed are those who ask "Is this mine to share?"
For not every story is yours to tell.
Blessed are those who recognize context collapse,
For what's funny to friends may not be funny to the world.
Blessed are those who apologize when wrong,
For redemption requires acknowledgment.
Blessed are those who log off during crisis,
For doomscrolling does not equal staying informed.
Blessed are those who text "call me" instead of typing paragraphs,
For some conversations require voices.
Blessed are those who use airplane mode,
For simulated flight is sometimes necessary for grounding.
THE CLOSING BEATITUDES (The Hardest Ones)
Blessed are those who are content with missing out,
For FOMO is a lie and there will always be another thing.
Blessed are those who accept their screen time stats without shame,
For awareness without judgment is the first step.
Blessed are those who can be alone without being on their phone,
For they have rediscovered themselves.
Blessed are those who remember life before smartphones,
For they carry the memory of a different possible world.
Blessed are those who never knew life before smartphones,
For they are adapting to a world we cannot fully understand.
Blessed are those caught between,
For all generations are confused and that's okay.
Blessed are those who try and fail and try again,
For the practice is the point, not the perfection.
Blessed are you, reading this,
For you have made it to the end of the Beatitudes,
Which means you care about something,
Which means you're still human,
Which means there's hope.
Blessed be the scroll.
Blessed be the void.
Blessed be the occasional logging off.
Blessed be those who are trying.
Blessed be the chaos.
Blessed be you.
Hail Eris.
A question from Eris: Which beatitude did you most need to hear today? That's your meditation for the week.