Discordianism Decompiled · Book Five · Chapter 5 of 6
The Liturgical Calendar
THE LITURGICAL CALENDAR
Every religion has a calendar.
Days marked as special.
Observances that structure the year.
Discordianism has these too.
(We made them up. You can make up your own. That's kind of the point.)
DAILY OBSERVANCES
The first moment after waking.
Before checking your phone (ha).
A moment of silence, breath, gratitude.
Or just lying there in existential dread.
Both are valid forms of prayer.
The last moment before sleep.
After your final scroll (hopefully).
A moment of release, of letting go of the day.
Or just scrolling until you pass out.
Both happen. Only one is recommended.
WEEKLY OBSERVANCES
Pick a day. Any day.
Log off.
Delete the apps (temporarily).
Turn off the phone (or at least put it away).
Exist without the feed.
This is the most important observance.
This is also the hardest.
Most people fail.
Failing is part of the practice.
One day per week, everything you post must be either:
- Funny
- Kind
- Beautiful
- Useful
Nothing else.
No doomscrolling output.
No rage-posting.
No dunking.
Just... something good.
(This is harder than digital sabbath.)
MONTHLY OBSERVANCES
Once a month, at the new moon:
Delete:
- Unused apps
- Old screenshots
- Unread emails (mark all as read, coward)
- Contacts you don't talk to
- Bookmarks you'll never revisit
- Downloads folder detritus
Digital clutter is still clutter.
The new moon is for releasing.
Once a month, at the full moon:
Unfollow/Mute:
- Accounts that make you feel bad
- Accounts that make you angry
- Accounts that waste your time
- Accounts you don't remember following
The full moon is for illumination.
See clearly what you've been feeding on.
Release what doesn't serve.
SEASONAL OBSERVANCES
Go outside. For at least an hour.
No phone (or phone on airplane mode).
Touch grass (literally).
Feel the sun.
Remember that you have a body.
⚠️ MANDATORY
Acknowledge how much time you spend online.
Check your screen time stats.
Don't judge. Just observe.
Know thyself, including thy metrics.
Cull your digital life:
- Unsubscribe from emails
- Leave groups you don't engage with
- Delete accounts you don't use
- Archive old posts
- Let things go
Fall is for release.
Accept that you'll be inside and online more.
Winter is dark. Scrolling is inevitable.
Make peace with this.
But also: light a candle, make tea, be cozy.
The darkness is not the enemy.
ANNUAL HIGH HOLY DAYS
The anniversary of when you joined social media.
Or got your first smartphone.
Or created your first email address.
Observe this day. Reflect on:
- How has this changed you?
- What have you gained?
- What have you lost?
- Who were you before?
- Who are you now?
No judgment. Just observation.
Once per year (if you're brave):
Delete your most-used social media app.
For one full week.
Just to remember what it's like.
Most people last three days.
Three days is enough.
Pick a day.
Turn off ALL notifications.
Every single one.
Experience silence.
SPECIAL OBSERVANCES
Observe silence.
Do not post about it.
Do not share takes.
Do not engage.
Just watch.
See how quickly it passes.
See how little it matters the next day.
This is a powerful teaching.
Give your phone to a friend.
For at least 24 hours.
Do not drunk text.
Do not drunk scroll their profile.
Do not drunk post.
This is sacred prevention.
Once per year:
Look at your old posts.
From 5 years ago. 10 years ago.
Cringe at yourself.
This is humility practice.
You were cringe then.
You are cringe now.
You will be cringe in the future.
Accept this.
THE FEAST DAYS (CELEBRATIONS)
Celebrate when you:
- Go outside for fun (not obligation)
- Talk to a friend in person
- Do something offline
- Finish a book
- Complete a project
- Rest without guilt
These are victories.
Mark them. ⭐
When you:
- Call someone instead of texting
- Meet in person instead of Zooming
- Have a real conversation
- Connect authentically
Celebrate this.
This is rare.
This is precious.
THE FAST DAYS (ABSTINENCE)
Abstain from creating content.
Just consume.
Or just exist.
No posting, no stories, no tweets.
Exist without output.
Have no opinions.
On anything.
About anything.
Just observe.
Don't form takes.
Don't share thoughts.
Just be.
(This is incredibly difficult.)
One day per week:
No news.
No headlines.
No doomscrolling current events.
The world will continue without your observation.
THE MOVEABLE FEASTS (WHENEVER NEEDED)
Close everything.
Log off everything.
Touch grass.
(We keep saying this because it's always the answer.)
Mute them.
Not forever.
Just until you can engage without pain.
This is not cruelty.
This is self-care.
Unfollow.
Without guilt.
Without explanation.
Your feed is yours to curate.
THE TEACHING OF THE CALENDAR
Time is structured by observance.
The sacred marks the mundane.
These observances are arbitrary.
They're also essential.
You can follow this calendar.
You can create your own.
You can ignore calendars entirely.
All are valid.
But know this:
Without ritual, time is flat.
Without observance, days blur.
Without intention, you're just... scrolling.
The calendar is structure.
The calendar is meaning-making.
The calendar is choosing what matters.
Mark your days.
Observe your moments.
Make some time sacred.
Even if you made it up five minutes ago.
Especially if you made it up five minutes ago.
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